I am not.

You know, there will going to be a time in your life that you will have to choose between your hardest dilemma.
I think I'm experiencing them now. Maybe. Or not.
I don't know.

I feel so empty lately.
How could I get answers for me if you don't want to answer me?

Despite his childish look, that guy is not childish at all.
I'm so impressed.
His decision is so matured.
Gua respect lu, bro.
I'm sorry for saying unnecessary thing about you.

I want to sigh so much, but I guess there's no use of it.
I want to walk away so much, but I'm afraid that I would regret my decision.

Oh Allah, please help me :(
I'm feeling uneasy, anxious.
Help me get rid of these kind of feelings.

Let my heart be empty from any guy so I would have my heart only for You, Allah.

Help me, Allah.
There's no one I could turn to at this time.

Allah, he acts as if I am only a part-time person in his life.
Remove him from my mind, Allah.
I don't want to think about him, anymore.

And Allah, can you help me meet my future husband faster?

Thankyou, Allah :')

I will love you unconditionally.

"Unconditionally" by Katy Perry 

Oh no, did I get too close?
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?
All your insecurities
All the dirty laundry
Never made me blink one time

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

Come just as you are to me
Don't need apologies
Know that you are worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good
Walk through the storm I would
I do it all because I love you, I love you

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
There is no fear now
Let go and just be free
I will love you unconditionally

So open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart and just let it begin
Open up your heart

Acceptance is the key to be
To be truly free
Will you do the same for me?

Unconditional, unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally
And there is no fear now
Let go and just be free
'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)
I will love you (unconditionally)
I will love you
I will love you unconditionally

Kalau boleh

Awak.
Kalau boleh,
saya taknak awak lupa
yang awak saya punya...
kawan.

Kalau boleh,
saya taknak awak lupa
yang saya selalu tunggu.
Ya, tunggu kehadiran awak.

Kalau boleh,
saya taknak awak lupa
yang saya akan selalu ada untuk awak.
dan,
saya boleh jadi kawan awak.
Walaupun saya tahu,
saya memang bohong perasaan saya.

Kalau boleh,
saya nak awak tahu,
persetankanlah perasaan saya tu
kalau awak rasa
kita lebih sesuai jadi kawan...
sahaja.

Kalau boleh,
saya nak awak tahu,
yang saya tak pernah
berhenti cintakan awak.
Itupun kalau awak dapat bacalah.
Mixed signals saya.

Kalau boleh,
saya nak singkatkan semua
kata-kata
yang saya teringin coretkan buat awak.

Mungkin saya tidak hebat melakarkannya,
apatah lagi bercinta.
berpuisi?
Sudah tentu jauh sekali.
tapi,
inilah perasaan saya buat awak.

Takpe.
Awak takpayah terima perasaan saya
saya nak buang jauh-jauh
buang perasaan itu beribu batu
sampai saya pun takdapat temukannya.

Dan awak.
Kalau boleh,
saya nak awak tahu
yang saya selalu doakan kesihatan awak
sebab
kalau awak sihat sentiasa
sudah tentu saya akan bahagia
Tanpa cinta awak.




Itupun kalau bolehlah.

Someone tell me.

Someone tell me.
What should I do,
How should I react,
Is it the right thing to do,
Or not.

to you.

source : Tumblr.com

Aku fikir.

Aku fikir,
Kau tak boleh dengan aku.

Sebab aku fikir,
Nanti kau akan sakit sebab aku.

Aku fikir,
Nanti lama-lama kau fed up.

Aku fikir,
Aku tak cukup bagus untuk kau.

Kau anggap itu semua dalam fikiran aku? 
Ya, betul.
Tapi, itu yang kau buat aku fikir.
Aku rasa masa untuk aku pergi dah tiba.

Aku sayang kau.
Aku taknak sakitkan hati kau.
Aku taknak kau terluka sebab aku.
Kau sangat-sangat penting untuk aku.
Aku taknak pisah dengan kau.
Tapi, pada masa sama,
aku taknak kau sakit sebab aku.

Selamat Tinggal.

Hey lovely

Hey lovely
If you know how much I want to talk to you
How much I yearn to be by your side
Be able to see you,
Hear you,
And even touch you.

Hey lovely
If you know how much I wish for the time to reverse
How much I want to undo our precious moments
So that I won't hurt like this
Cry so much like this

Lying down on the bed, lifeless
Barely breathing
Only you on my mind
Then it occur,
Was it my fault to begin with?

And lovely,
Of course it's not your fault to begin with
It was mine
I was careless

"Why?" you may asked
I should have built walls
Walls around my heart
My feelings
And that walls covered with thorn and roses

No one would dare to even look at it
Let alone climbing it
Imagining to get pass it was already unbearable

Hey lovely
Please don't come back
Don't try to restart
Or even to start a new one

Once was enough, lovely
Once was more than enough
Once was all of the memories
Once was said forever

There are none of that now
The End

The Perks of Being a Wallflower (English Movie)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Hari tu aku tonton cerita ni haa. Korang kalau rasa love story sekarang dah common sangat, boleh lah tengok cerita ni. Sebenarnya cerita ni takdelah keseluruhan pasal cinta. Ada sikit sebanyak elemen friendship, family value and etcetera (baca : etc)

Kalau cerita English kan, mesti ada macam budak sekolah yang kena buli kat sekolah lah, semua orang benci dia lah. Some sort of macam tu lah tapi, budak lelaki ni kena buli teruk masa  middle school and dia ada sorang kawan je but something happen kat kawan dia tu. So, basically bila dia nak masuk high school, dia takde kawan. He’s trying to be normal and obtain a friend.

And then, he met these two persons; probably the best person in the world for him. Diorang sangat baik and bukan baik as if diorang ni nerd. Baik untuk dijadikan kawan. Patrick dengan Sam ni adik-beradik tiri. Diorang sangat sweet.

Pelakon-pelakon cerita ni adalah Emma Watson! dan Logan Lerman. Sebagai hero dan heroin. Watak Patrick dirangkul oleh Ezra Miller (dia sangat lawak dan comel :3)

Diorang ni kawan ramai-ramai satu group :) 

Hero dan Heroin <3

Emma Watson adalah salah seorang pelakon Harry Potter! Aku sangat suka dia!

Logan Lerman pulak berlakon cerita Percy Jackson :3

Yang selebihnya, korang boleh tengok sendiri rasanya. Aku tanak jadi spoiler movie. Kihkihkih. Korang boleh download cerita ni dekat http://www.downloadur.org/ . Ikut je arahan kat situ. Diorang ajar lah nanti cara nak download apa semua.

Oh, and cerita ni takde subtitles. Kalau korang nak subtitles jugak, aku tak dapat nak bantu lah. Sila download sendiri. Maaf ya buk, pak.

Gua chow! Assalamualaikum.

Save some!

Okay. Sebenarnya tajuk post takde kaitan dengan apa yang aku nak tulis ni.
So, aku baru je baca Terfaktab Zine pasal Move On. Oh, hell. Aku tak pernah kata dan takkan pernah kata Move On tu perkara yang senang. Memang tak senang dan sangat susah.
Maybe for some people, diorang punya life macam jatuh lah. Contohnya, grade diorang, communication diorang dengan orang sekeliling dan yang lain-lain.

Buat diri aku sendiri, aku akan lebihkan komunikasi dengan orang supaya aku takkan asyik duduk kat ceruk rumah dan teringat pasal si dia. So, bila aku bergaul dengan orang, sedikit sebanyak kesakitan tu akan terurai sikit-sikit. Nangis tu kau tak payah cakap lah sakitnya. Allah je yang tahu.
Aku pernah dua kali break dan tak menangis. For certain reasons lah. Aku tak rasa nak menangis langsung. Agak kejam but hey, aku tak rasa sedih pun. Shitz.

And this first time aku nangis pasal lelaki, aku pun ingat aku punya result exam midterm, final and quizzes semua tu akan jatuh. Hah! Ternyata sangkaan aku meleset. Result aku tetap nak tunjuk kat aku yang diorang tanak down macam aku jugak. Pergh pergh. Korang nak kata aku bangga diri ah? Weh, tak weh. Tak. Kadang-kadang bila kau rasa paling down, down yang paling down, kau nak jugak orang sekeliling kau perasan keadaan kau menerusi grade kau. Tapi, kalau dah grade kau okay, means kau okay jugak lah kan?
Or actually aku taknak parents aku risau pasal aku.
So, aku bersyukur yang grade aku tak tereffect dengan keadaan aku yang terumbang-ambing ni. Alhamdulillah.

Korang, sama-samalah kita jaga grade kita! Bila korang sedih je, terus grab buku!

p/s : Aku masih ngantuk. Melantak satu burger dan satu bungkus Maggi Asam Laksa (pengaruh Istanbul Aku Datang) untuk sarapan pagi ni! Wuu!

Dia & Aku Kata

Dia & Aku Kata 

Sayang betul dia kat aku.
Aku buat salah teruk, dia menangis satu
malam.
Dan kemudian esok pagi, dia jumpa aku, dia
tersenyum.
Kesalahan aku memang tak layak untuk
terima senyuman itu.

Apakah memang ada manusia yang murni
macam ni?

Dia nak marah, tapi dia nak ketawa.
Dia nak pukul, tapi dia nak ketawa lagi.
Dia nak tunjal kepala aku, tapi dia takut 
kepala aku sakit.
Dia nak lepaskan kemarahan dia, tapi dia
takut aku terasa.
Dia nak merajuk, tapi dia nak berbual 
dengan aku.
Dia nak paling muka, tapi dia nak tengok
muka aku.
Dia nak maafkan aku, sebab dia nak terus
sayang aku.

Dia kata aku bodoh, aku kata, memang.
Dia kata aku tak fikir, aku kata tu lar pasal.
Dia kata aku tak guna otak, aku kata itu
betul.
Dia kata aku bangang, aku kata paling 
bangang.
Dia kata aku jahat, aku kata takda niat.
Dia kata aku takut bila buat salah, aku kata
takut gila.
Dia kata dah agak dah, aku kagum dengan 
firasat dia.

Dia dah tak tahu nak kata apa, aku kata,
jangan kata apa, pukul je.
Dia dah tak nak pukul, aku kata maaf.
Dia tanya dah makan? Aku
kata nak makan sama.
Dia kata jom.
Aku kata dalam hati ...
"Tuhan, kalau betul dia jodoh,
biar aku lawan untuk jodoh 
ini!"

4 Ogos 2008 
-Zahiril Adzim

TV Series : Homo Academicus

Assalamualaikum and Good Morning everyone.

Happy Sunday! Here in my place, the sun is not that bright this morning. Probably feeling a bit shy today. 

I want to express an opinion or some sort of review regarding the TV series - Homo Academicus.

Homo Academicus is a tv series made by KBS (Astro Channel 391). The hosts of this show are 4 Harvard University students. The last time I watched it, they were visiting almost all over the world to identify studying method by Korean, Japanese, Indians, Jewish students. 

It is to be said that culture plays a big influence on the students' way of studying. The Korean prefer to study on their own; individually as they say that they will have a higher focus on what they're studying when they are alone. In most Eastern country, STUDYING = MEMORIZING.

The Japanese who mostly entered the University of Tokyo, they bought the seniors notes. They say that the notes contain more information compare to textbooks. A good notes help the Japanese memorize the information structurally. Note-taking is the yardstick of good learning. So, from primary school, the Japanese students are taught how to make effective notes in order for easy memorizing. In order to identify the students' ability, they will see how she or he take notes.

Ugandans are more passionate about learning compare to other Africans. All the students went to school with this some kind of truck. 

30% of Harvard students are Jewish; which is about 20,000 people. Approximately. They are discussing more on Jewish people and Jewish culture. 

Students of Yeshiva used debate to convey information. They claim that they will understand more. Besides, they are learning certain topics by debating. They're having debates with other students that they barely know.  When they are debating with the person they don't know about Talmud, fallacy like Personal Attack can be avoided.

While in GyeongNam, they focus more on learning Confucianism. In order for fast memorizing, they will recite the sayings loud and clear. Plus, they will listen to each other's voice reciting the sayings. 

In some part of India, they are learning the Vedas and the Brahmins. They recommend that the best way to memorize is writing the same line for 20 to 40 times! Wow!

Meanwhile in a Jewish Kindergarten located in New York. The kids over there are taught by asking them to read and encourage them to ask questions. In return, the teachers will answer their question by asking them another question so that they could relate the information given. This is to ensure that the children not only learn the content of Jewish culture, they would also understand the value of Jewish culture. Talking and discussing back with other people about the information is one of the method.

In conclusion, there are so many factors that can lead to intelligence. Main one is culture factors :)Learning is the culture's deep-rooted way of life :)


HERE'S a video attached :)

<VIDEO>

Hai :)

Assalamualaikum

Anyway, been spending most of the time with him <3 How should I put it in words? It’s like a kind of soothing feeling. He makes me feel at ease. Whenever I thought about him, I smiled unintentionally *laughs*

Seems like I’m too in love eh? Hahaha. I guess it’s better than me crying *shrugged* We fought yeah, but I want to keep holding on; for him, or most probably for me. Just sit and talk with him made my mind at a peaceful state. Exaggerating eh? Well, yes yes and yes! Oh, so I’m in love with him and I don’t want to let him go either. Pasal siapa ka apa ka still boleh kawtim kan? *wink*

Or maybe orang kata or even he said it, that I’m attracted to him because of his sweetness. Yes, that and there’s this thing much more important than that. How I would have these butterflies in my stomach, how I am when I’m with him, how comfortable I feel with him and even how many times he could make me smile :) 

p/s : Gosh. does it sound like I'm ignoring my friends? I don't think so.

Last Kiss (:

I still remember the look on your faceBeen through the darkness at 1:58The words that you whispered for just us to knowYou told me you loved me so why did you go away, go away
I do recall now the smell of the rainFresh on the pavement, I ran off the planeThat July 9th the beat of your heartIt jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your arms
But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothesAll that I know is I don't knowHow to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kissNever imagined we'd end like thisYour name, forever the name on my lips
I do remember the swing of your stepThe life of the party, you're showing off againAnd I roll my eyes and then you pulled me inI'm not much for dancing but for you did
Because I loved your handshake, meeting my fatherI love how you walk with your hands in your pocketsHow you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying somethingThere's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions
And I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothesAll that I know is I don't knowHow to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kissNever imagined we'd end like thisYour name, forever the name on my lips, ohh
So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleepAnd I'll feel you forget me like I use to feel you breatheAnd I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you areHope it's nice where you are
And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful dayAnd something reminds you, you wish you had stayedWe can plan for a change in weather and timeI never planned on you changing your mind
So, I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothesAll that I know is I don't knowHow to be something you miss
I never thought we'd ever last kissNever imagined we'd end like thisYour name, forever the name on my lipsJust like our last kiss, forever the name on my lipsForever the name on my lips, just like our last

Satisfaction upon her

Can't express how satisfied I am.

Her new song titled 'Begin Again' caught my heart.

The melody.

Its harmony.

The lyrics.

Her voice.

The message the lyrics trying to convey.

How her voice suits the melody.

I love Taylor Swift so much. :)

"I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end.

But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again."

Will there be an end?

This pain.

This awful pain.

This throbbing pain.

Inside my heart.

Inside my stolen heart.

I wonder will there be an end to this.

I wonder if I could wake up one day and all of this end.

After that, I could smile the way I used to.

I could laugh the way I prefer to.

I could hold on no matter how long it is.

And just, never give up.

The question is circling around my mind.

As I lay back down, 

I keep thinking;

"Will there be an end?"

You

You.

What is this feeling?

:(

It feels like...

Ahh, I don't even want to write the thought down. 

I hope not. :(

Excitement flows through my blood

Sitting home, doing nothing.

Semester break, sitting home, doing nothing. 

Doing nothing except sleeping, eating, surfing the internet. -,-'

So, tell me how boring it is.

It's like seeing your life plays; repeating all over again.

Twitter? Forbidden unless in some cases.

Facebook? Double boring. The excitement only legal when there's notifications. 

If not, then... You're on Facebook just because you're a plain stalker. 

Okay. That sounds offending.

I apologize.

Anyway, my break is full of music and movie and drama. 

Full of Taylor Swift's music. Forever and Always. Hey Stephen. Superstar. Better Than Revenge. Jump Then Fall. Untouchable. Etc.

I love her to the max. :)

Full of English movie. Dark Shadows. Johnny Depp. :)

Snow White and the Huntsman. Kristen Stewart. She's lovely :) 

Full of Drama. Korean drama to be exact. Playful Kiss. :)

To get me distracted from this dull semester break. 

To distract me from over thinking unnecessary thoughts. 

Forget it. 

Oh, so I'm going to tell the partial reason why excitement flows through my blood veins. 

Finally I have something beneficial to do. Or not. 

But, I hope it could lessen the boredom I'm going through.

I'll be going to BANGI :D

Ahh, somehow I can get out from Johor.

No offense. It's not that I hate Johor or something.

I just feel to get out of this Southern Region and go to other places.

Okay. So, till here then. 

Can't wait to go there! 

By the way, I hope the guys are going to be nice since I'm just new person around them unlike Farhana. 

I'm excited ! :D

You're pretty.

Exhausted

Hey. I know you are tired. Don't let it out on me. 
please lah you. 
I tak mau bertekak dengan you. 
*sigh*

First Love

I'm sure most of us have our very own, special first love. The person that started the feeling of love within or heart. The person who stands as indicator for the next love you're going to undergo. Always; the comparison you make will be based on your first love's characteristics, how he treated you, make you feel the most luckiest person in the world. 

Within this fresh morning air, carefully describing about the person who takes up most of the space in my heart. Too many things remind me of him, forgetting him is something I could never do although I've tried so hard. 

How the month of January marked the starting of everything. It started of as friends before close friends arrived. Being too close to someone is like giving them chances to hurt you indirectly, I guess. The funny thing is no matter how much that person is hurting you, you'll still stay with him. It's not what he has makes you fall for him, it's who he is makes you fall deeper and deeper. 

It's true they said 'it takes millions of people to complete the world. but only that special person to complete yours' :)
So, when other people ask why I fall for him, what will I get by staying by his side. Truthfully, I don't actually know.

The way he stole my heart, the way he cared about me, the way his hair smells so fresh, the way he drove the car while I'm sitting on the seat beside him, the way he sacrificed his time to make sure I'm safe, the way he woke me up for Subuh prayer. Well, the last one I love the most :)

He, who doesn't smoke in front of me no matter how much he want to at that particular moment.

He, who doesn't watch sports, soccer, football and yet, he's an athlete himself. He jumps higher than I am.

He, whom I trust and willing to wait for.

He, whom I never say 'No' to. 

He, whom I look up to; perfectly.

He, whom I called Perfect.

And, he. Who is in love  with someone else.

The only thing I know is I love him and I will stay by his side no matter how hard it's going to be. 
Why? Because I love him. It's either him or no one else.
And, I can't love other men the way I love him. 

My new year event (:

2012 has finally come . I'm sure many of you guys have watched the '2012' movie last time . So , to be truth , do you guys think so ? Is 2012 the end of the world ? Hurm , if you ask me , I probably couldn't give you the exact answer , of course . I mean , who knows ? Only Allah knows everything . (:


Anywayy , heading straight to the purpose of this entry . The first entry in 2012 . Gosh , I'm practically too lazy to post updates . Do forgive me . 


Well , the clock strikes 12 am that night / morning . My friends and I were watching 'Ombak Rindu' at their house . We watched the movie with the lights off . Suddenly , we heard loud voices from the guys' block ; screaming and yelling 'Happy New Year' and so on . Surprised , I stood up in the dark and accidentally stepped on my specs ! Only God knows how regret I was that night . So , there goes my specs ~~~~ 


More unfortunate is that I got final exam on 3rd and 4th January ! I sure do can answer the questions without specs , it's just that I can't even see my surrounding . pfftt ! Totally like a blind old woman . I can't drive my carrr . :( 


Okay , so . The same night when my specs were broken , another friend text me and ask whether we were interested to go to Blue Lake the next morning at 7 am sharp . We were like '7am ? pfftt ! Seriously ? -_-'
Oh , and the worst is I can't drive the car but luckily , that another friend can drive so yeahh . That friend drove us the next morning !


We went there with another 2 cars and total up was 3 cars went to the lake that morning . When we arrived , we were fascinated . The lake is so drop-dead gorgeous . The color of the water is more like turquoise ; the surrounding was very calm and peaceful . However , the lake's water is too corrosive and dangerous . Nevertheless, the view was so breath-taking . We were speechless to see such a beauty . I felt like staying there till tomorrow . Hew hew ~


Other classmates were totally busy with their phones ; snapping pictures to ensure that they have a piece of blue lake scenery within their phone and of course , in their heart too :) 
We all did have a nice new year event despite the unfortunate event of my broken specs . :)

Kitorang atas awan , okay ? :P

Happy New Year , guys :) We're 19 ! ( except for some )

excitedness in their blood x)

Me & Liza . Look , Blue Lake ! :D

Lisa & Liza :)

the guys

Wan Alia , classmates (:

modelling session jap .

my housemate <3